Irreparable Divide: Pt. 2

 I decided it would be easier to read and digest if I broke up the original entry into multiple sections. So it continues...

HERE WE GO - the next element: prostitution. Half of the men I have worked with thus far have spoken of multiple times in their recent lives when they have bought the services of a strip club dancer or sex worker. Of course, the former makes up the majority of their experience, but that only makes their hand job/blow job stories all the more exotic (in their retellings). As the more common experience, and (in my opinion) the more psychologically interesting choice I will focus on their universal love for strip clubs. Humans crave temptation. The tease, and in this discussion, the inability to participate in penetrative intercourse despite being intentionally aroused is a situation that we pursue. Whether or not we are all conscious of it this denial of our most primal desire can be more satisfying than the completion itself. (Side note, this reality always irritates me as so many men struggle with foreplay - AKA the mutually consented tease that generally leads to actual intercourse and not just the fantasy.) I felt compelled to lay out a groundwork for my understanding of human sexuality as I am about to combine the aforementioned marriage with prostitution. So back to the source of my original confusion: how can men like these get married? They don't seem to have any interest in monogamy given the way they speak about other women versus their own wives. 

I have come to some sort of conclusion that men (probably women as well, yes, but I'm focusing on these men, so MEN) enjoy the danger that lies outside the boundaries of marital vows. This may seem obvious to some of you as time and again social observation and even studies show that men (especially young men) make more reckless and impulsive decisions than women. Men develop a hunger for the adrenaline rush that comes with brushing up against catastrophe. I would argue that a (probably unconscious) reason men such as my coworkers get married is because it puts them in a position to play with fire or test their power. If they are married, strip clubs and twenty dollar hand jobs outside of bars are exciting ways to test the limits. Other avenues of risk taking may be blocked when you have a wife and family... but indulging in sexual pleasure with a paid stranger can more easily be swept under the rug or even forgiven. What's more is that a man who is married but still has the "balls" to go out and get a lap dance from a "hot 20 year old" gains some kind of manly reputation among his fellow married men. He is still desirable (why would they think that), he can still go out late and drink and touch pretty, young women (yes, because you are paying them). 

I am certain that for reasons beyond reason men who go to strip clubs or hire sex workers believe that these women are genuinely interested in them. Given the way I hear men speak of themselves and these experiences, I can't believe anything less - despite blatantly giving money in exchange for sexual services, a man can be convinced that the service given is as much a pleasure and a gift for the woman as it is for himself. On the flip side, they are strangely just as delighted when a woman clearly is NOT interested but he forces her to "do her job" anyway because that is his right as a customer and a man. 

Now that my rant is running off the rails I will stop - but the next addition continues with prostitution and the incredibly narrow understanding these men have of sex work.